Celebrate good times

OK, so we took to the streets following the Cavaliers advancement to the NBA Finals, which is all well and good. We've become starving dogs waiting for a championship of any kind (other than the WNBA or indoor soccer), so just smelling a big, juicy steak is enough to set us off. The streets became sidewalks, car windows became seats, downtown became one giant victory parade.

But it's time to set some ground rules, people. Please keep in mind that we really haven't won anything yet. We just have the CHANCE to win it all now. Since it's been 130-plus sports seasons since one of our teams won anything, and since only three times in those seasons have our teams even played for the championship (that would be the Indians in the World Series in 1954, 1995, and 1997), we don't know what to do right now. After all, we're the city that threw a party on Public Square for our Indians when they finished second in 1995.

So here's your primer for celebrating (or not celebrating) during the NBA Finals against the San Antonio Spurs.

DO NOT burn any cars or couches. That is reserved for Detroit and drunken fraternity parties in Columbus.

DO yell out "Nice, Boobie" anytime Daniel "Boobie" Gibson touches the ball.

DO kiss any girl within arm's length after every basket that gives the Cavs the lead in the fourth quarter of any game. No matter how big her boyfriend is.

DO NOT say, "This reminds me of The Drive/The Fumble/The Shot/The Mesa" if the Cavs screw something up during any of the games. LeBron James is trying to make us forget.

DO NOT start "O-H ... I-O" chants. This is Cleveland, not Columbus, and we finally have something to root for other than Ohio State football.

DO start "Pittsburgh sucks" chants. Because Pittsburgh ALWAYS sucks.

DO NOT pray for a basket or rebound by the Cavs late in the game, or for the Spurs to miss. Because you might just get The Big Guy to start hating Cleveland sports again.