What would Troy do?

By mayoral decree, Wednesday is Troy Smith Day in Cleveland.

If your name is Troy or your name is Smith, you can do whatever you want to do in Cleveland today. And if your name is Troy Smith, and you went to Glenville High School, and you just won the Heisman Trophy, well, line up the photographers and news crews.

On Troy Smith's agenda is a return to Glenville at 3 p.m., where he'll celebrate his Heisman victory and Ohio State's unbeaten season and national championship shot with his neighbors and friends. He'll be feted, he'll be photographed, he'll be filmed.

Most likely, there will be many other things Troy Smith will be doing around Cleveland on Troy Smith Day. You can expect to see a report on Troy Smith Day leading the 11 o'clock news, with pictures of everything Troy Smith did on Troy Smith Day in Cleveland.

Here's the early odds on what you can expect to see Troy Smith doing on the 11 o'clock news:

TROY SMITH SHAKING LEBRON JAMES' HAND -- Even odds

-- Lebron is Cleveland's sports ambassador. The Cavs play a home game against the Charlotte Bobcats Wednesday. Perhaps Troy Smith is Cleveland's next sports ambassador. The twain should meet.

TROY SMITH SHAKING CHARLIE FRYE'S INJURED HAND -- 30/1
-- Some want Troy Smith to take Charlie Frye's job. Heck, some want Derek Anderson to take Charlie Frye's job. Charlie Frye probably isn't too interested in meeting his possible future competition.

TROY SMITH RIDING A FIRE TRUCK -- 35/1
-- Doesn't the hero son always ride a fire truck during his festivities?

TROY SMITH SITTING COURTSIDE AT THE CAVS GAME -- 100/1
-- We all know Troy Smith can't afford Cavaliers courtside seats. Heck, he can probably barely afford the $10 seats that would put him three rows from the sun. Since he already paid his penance for accepting money from a booster, Troy's certainly loathe to be seen on the 11 o'clock news sitting right behind Lebron James during the Cavs game ... right?

TROY SMITH VISITING MAURICE CLARETT IN JAIL -- 1,000/1
-- Paying Maurice's cell-phone bill got Troy in enough trouble already!

TROY SMITH RIDING KELLEN WINSLOW's MOTORCYCLE -- 3,500/1
-- At least wear a helmet if you do, Troy.

TROY SMITH IN A "GOD HATES CLEVELAND SPORTS" HAT -- 5,000/1
-- Although he's from Cleveland, Troy Smith's team isn't hated by God because it plays in Columbus. But if the Browns select Troy Smith in the draft next April, he'll find out all about what God thinks.

The more things change ...

New York, Atlanta, Toronto, and Charlotte. Great vacation spots? Some of the largest cities in North America? Better places to live than Cleveland?

Or, all crappy teams that have defeated the Cavs this season? Actually, that, and all of the above. And maybe soon, all places that Lebron James would rather play than Cleveland, knowing our luck.

The Cavs' 101-98 loss to the New York Knicks Wednesday night -- at home, nonetheless -- marked the team's fourth loss to the dregs of the Eastern Conference. The Charlotte Bobcats (4-11), the Toronto Raptors (5-10), and the New York Knicks (6-11) have the three worst records in the East. Atlanta (6-7) is already 4½ games out of first in their division, the largest deficit of any second-place team. Combined, those four teams are 21-40. Take out their victories against each other and the Cavs, and they are 13-36 in all other games. Extrapolate a 13-36 record over 82 games, and you've got a 21-win team.

The Cavs have four losses against a 21-win team. Atlanta and Toronto are two of the next three opponents, which should make the Cavs as confident as a high-school freshman at his first dance.

Just when we finally thought we had a good team, the Cavs go and pull this on us. The best player of his generation playing ball in his backyard for a team that plays in what some call the worst conference in the history of sports. The Indians disappointed, the Browns went in the tank, but the Cavs were there waiting for us, waiting to build on the promise of last year.

But once again in Cleveland, it's not next year, it's last year. After Friday's game, Larry Hughes will have missed half the season. Zydrunas Ilgauskas is playing like he thinks it's still the playoffs. The Cavs can't turn up the dial against lousy teams. And God is laughing.

It's kind of funny -- here's the Cavs with a 9-6 record, a half-game out of the Central Division lead, just 2½ games behind the Orlando Magic for best record in the conference. They've defeated the Spurs in San Antonio, which happens as often as Rasheed Wallace says something nice about a referee. They're on pace to win just as many games as last season. They've got a presumably happy Lebron James locked up until the end of the decade.

And yet there's that Cleveland smell lingering around this team. Do we look at the 9-6 mark, which puts them in the top quarter of the league in any given year? Or do we look at the fact that 13 of the first 15 games were against teams currently with losing records, and wonder why that mark is only 9-6?

No one wonders what God's looking at. And really, after what's happened in this town for four decades, no one really wonders what the rest of us are looking at either.