Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Art Modell pwns Cleveland

So Art Modell made his pact with the devil in 1995 and sent Cleveland's soul straight to hell. The Pittsburgh Steelers making Super Bowl XL with a record-breaking run through the playoffs is more proof of that.

Since Art moved the real Browns to Baltimore and changed the name to honor the absinthe-drinking favorite son of the city, Edgar Allen Poe, Browns fans have had sand kicked in their face every January. Not only did Art actually get his Lombardi Trophy, but here's who else has won since Art took his ball and left.

  • John Elway, Super Bowl XXXII and Super Bowl XXXIII
  • St. Louis Rams, nee Cleveland Rams, Super Bowl XXXIV
  • Art Modell and the ex-Browns, Super Bowl XXV
  • Bill Belichick, Super Bowl XXXVI, Super Bowl XXXVIII, and Supre Bowl XXXIX
  • Tampa Bay Bucs, a team founded in 1976, Super Bowl XXXVII
  • And probably the Pittsburgh Steelers, Super Bowl XL

Even The Flash doesn't have as impressive a Rogue's Gallery. And every single one of the Browns' arch-enemies has gotten over since Art left town a decade ago. This is better than Joe Hardy's deal with the devil, because Art kept his soul and sent us to football hell.

But since God hates Cleveland sports, we weren't going to heaven anyway.

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