Steeled with

a kiss

Apparently Pittsburgh Steelers coach Bill Cowher loves football players almost as much as he loves football.

During last night's season-opening victory over the Miami Dolphins, Steeler linebacker Joey Porter gave Cowher a little kiss on the neck in celebration of Porter's interception return for a touchdown that sealed the deal.

And it's not even the first time Cowher kissed one of his players on the sideline. Following a 1997 comeback victory over the Baltimore Ravens, Cowher ran down then-quarterback Kordell Stewart and planted a big one on his cheek.

The worst thing about it is that here in Cleveland we can't even make fun of Cowher. The Browns haven't even started their season yet, and thanks to the Steelers' victory, we're already in last place. Plus there's the fact that last night the Steelers were celebrating last year's Super Bowl championship while beginning their quest for One For The Other Thumb. It began quite triumphantly. Because of all that, we can't even ask if Porter turned into a vampire after his touchdown, or wonder if he thought he was with Kordell. We can't try and figure out if Bill Cowher was whispering sweet nothings into Joey Porter's ear. And we can't ask Bill Cowher if he indeed does like football player as much as he likes football.

We can't do any of this because they are the damn Pittsburgh Steelers and we are the crummy Cleveland Browns. We don't have any coaches who kiss (or get kissed by) their players, but we don't have any Lombardi Trophies either. Or World Series rings. Or NBA titles. Or really anything signifying anything good from the last 40 years or so.

Maybe by Sunday evening we'll at least have a team tied for first place one week into the season. But then again, it's the Saints who are marching in, and God does hate Cleveland sports. So go right ahead and pick the Browns, if you dare.