Saturday, April 28, 2007

Your 2007 NFL Draft boo rankings

T-minus not much longer until the Browns make the Pick That Changes the Direction of the Franchise, aka the third pick overall in the 2007 NFL Draft.

And t-minus not much longer than that until the booing and second-guessing begins.

Pretty much everyone you can think of has been projected to be there by someone. Tony Grossi of The Plain Dealer forecasts QB JaMarcus Russell. ESPN's Mel Kiper and Patrick McManamon of the Akron Beacon-Journal give OT Joe Thomas to the Browns. The Dayton Daily News and Jeff Schudel of the Lake County News-Herald/Lorain Morning Journal say it's going to be RB Adrian Peterson, The Canton Repository says it's going to be QB Brady Quinn,

And a collective Browns nation says enough already, just make the damn pick!

Seems these days if you don't make a mock draft it's time to turn in your man card, even if you're a woman. And if you don't make a mock draft, you make a mockery of the draft. Blame Mel Kiper for starting us down this slippery slope, but we all know if we didn't sit here with our mouths wide open like baby birds waiting for food to be shoved down our gullets, none of this would have happened.

So after digesting the 127,346 online mock drafts, the 573,976 hours of draft previews on television, and the 6,743,225 draft conversations we've had with friends, it all comes down to this -- which Browns' draft-day decision will draw the most boos at draft parties? Here's the God Hates Cleveland Sports rankings of top prospects for boos:

1) BRADY QUINN -- The Notre Dame quarterback will draw the most boos, especially by those who have been dumped by their girlfriend for no good reason and are afraid to dive back into the pool. He's Tim Couch II, these people say, another guy who will just be pounded into submission behind a leaky offensive line. (Funny, no one ever worried about that when they put Charlie Frye back there.)

If that's not enough, taking Tim Couch II would be an indication that the Charlie Frye Era has been a mistake. (Guess what -- the Charlie Frye Era HAS been a mistake! Better to admit it then keep him under center, don't you think?) And taking Quinn would be a death sentence for coach Romeo Crennell and probably even GM Phil Savage, who wouldn't be allowed to stick around long enough for Quinn to mature. (Guess what, neither of them's sticking around if Charlie Frye sticks around either.)

2) ANY DEFENSIVE PLAYER -- This choice would be akin to falling for another used-car salesman's ad, the ole bait-and-switch tactic that sends you home with a lemon. Our draft possibilities are as ingrained as Santa's reindeer, but not once has that list ever included a defensive player. Heck, most mock drafts only have one defensive player in the Top 5, and that's defensive end Gaines Adams. Give us a player we're not familiar with as the new face of the franchise? Prepare for a Level 7 boo.

3) WR CALVIN JOHNSON -- All those worried about Tim Couch II should be especially worried about Braylon Edwards II, or K3. Or even Kevin Johnson II. Learn from Matt Millen's mistakes -- and your own. Haven't the Browns taken enough first-round pass catchers who have done nothing? If the best wide receiver has no one to throw him the ball, will he make a sound? Well, besides squawking to reporters.

4) TRADING DOWN -- It's the decidely unsexy option, but just like reading Playboy for the articles is actually not that bad of an idea, trading down gives the Browns what they really need -- the chance to take a LOT of new (and hopefully good) players. Word is that Swiss cheese is thinking of changing its name to Browns cheese, this team has so many holes. And if you can hold a player for ransom that plenty of teams covet, i.e. Calvin Johnson or JaMarcus Russell, you can turn your team over in a hurry.

5) JaMARCUS RUSSELL -- You get the feeling the Phil Savage would adopt JaMarcus Russell if he good. Ever since Russell attended Savage's football camp eight years ago, Savage has envisioned their wedding day, errrrrr, the day that Russell turned pro. Today's the day. And with all the good press Russell has received, not too many Browns fans would boo -- even if there's the danger of him turning into Akili Smith II.

6) JOE THOMAS -- Someone will boo. There's always someone. But ever since the Browns returned to the field in 1999, fans have been clamoring for the team to boost their offensive line. "Draft a lineman!" we yell every year. Heck, the very first new Brown was center Jim Pyne, taken in the expansion draft. So there should be absolutely, positively no booing if the Browns finally do draft a lineman with their first pick. Anyone who does should immediately start rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

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