Saturday, April 07, 2007

That did not happen

Paul Byrd's no-hitter? Didn't happen.

Mariner third baseman Adrian Beltre's three errors? Didn't happen.

Global warming? Didn't happen.

Victor Martinez's quad pull that will probably land him on the disabled list? Oh, yea, of course -- that happened!

Apparently, not only God hates Cleveland Sports. After the Indians short-circuited Opening Day game, it looks like Mother Nature hates Cleveland Sports as well.

After a day in which snow delays took longer than actual game play, the Indians came away with not just nothing, but less than nothing. In a microcosm of how achingly close this city has come to, well, anything over the last 43 years, the Indians were one strike away from not only winning the home opener, but no-hitting the Seatte Mariners. Then it all went away.

All of it except for Victor Martinez's strained quad muscle.

Ex-Tribe skipper Mike Hargrove turned into the Human Snow Delay, making the first good move of his managerial career since he left the Indians. After Mariners second baseman Jose Lopez complained that he couldn't see with his team down 4-0 in the top of the fifth, Hargrove stalled the umpires just long enough for the snow to come down hard enough so that no one actually could see. Byrd needed just one more strike to finish off Mariner second baseman Jose Lopez and make it an official game. He still needs that strike.

The snow began falling harder. And harder. And harder. And then the Mariners left the bases while the Indians stayed in the field. Reminiscent of "The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training," fans began chanting "Let them play! Let them play!" But no one did. A Coldplay song was broadcast over the PA system. Almost an hour and a half later, after the grounds crew had used about a dozen leafblowers to clear the outfield, the umpires called the game. Instead of a shortened victory, instead of a no-hitter, instead of a satisfied Opening Day crowd, the Indians had nothing. Once again.

Oh, except for an injured Victor Martinez. The quad pull he suffered running out a grounder stands. When the Indians refused to cancel the game before the first pitch, the surest bet became that someone would get hurt. That it was the Indians most indispensible player -- the Indians will call up Mike Rose if Victor goes to the DL??? -- is just par for the course.

As soon as noon passed with snow flying sideways in downtown Cleveland and the Indians not calling the game, someone getting injured became a 1/5 favorite. Secretariat in a claiming race at Thistledown couldn't get those odds. That the injury happened to one of the Grady Sizemore/Travis Hafner/Victor Martinez triumvirate was more expected than turning on NBC and seeing some version of Law and Order.
So now the Indians will be playing a day/night doubleheader Saturday in the same conditions with a depleted pitching AND catching staff, all because the schedulemakers are stupid enough to send Seattle -- a team with its own dome -- on the road to Cleveland during the first week in April for its only trip here. The forecast for Saturday calls for 2-to-4 inches of snow and temperatures under 30 degrees.

It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature.


Anonymous said...

set - hut, hut....hike!

FilteringCraig said...

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Anonymous said...

Who from the frickin' Browns is in the locker room or dugout? Please find this poor cursed soul and save the Indian's season.

Edgewater Tribe said...

Nice little plug for the site on SI

What a week this has been for the Indians, who started by taking two games on the road in Chicago only for the weekend to spurn unmitigated disaster. As God Hates Cleveland Sports points out about Friday night, Paul Byrd's near five inning no-hitter and the Indians' near victory don't count while Victor Martinez's strained quad does count, likely with a trip to the disabled list. Also, if anything could stop Sizemore's blistering hot start (6-14 with home runs in all three games), it's probably a blizzard.

In other words, if God were charged with hating Cleveland sports, I'd hate to be His defense attorney.

DP said...

It's almost like Eric Wedge has re-grown his Rip Taylor moustache in secret and is using some kind of make-up or camera tricks to hide it from everyone.

DP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.