Thursday, April 13, 2006

A Cleveland
sugar crash

Just as the person who drinks an extra Starbucks grande every morning faces the inevitable sugar crash, so too did Cleveland fans after gorging on a sweetened sports scene the last few weeks. And crash we did last night.

First, old friend Richie Sexson blasted a grand slam that also knocked the Indians' six-game winning streak out of the park. Then the Cavs could only score 29 points by halftime in a statement game against the league-best Detroit Pistons. THEN LeBron James went limping into the locker room in the third quarter.

Apparently God became a little perturbed by our lack of faith. YES, he exists, and YES, he still hates Cleveland sports. Pistons 96, Cavs 73 and Mariners 11, Indians 9 is His little reminder of that.

LeBron will probably sit out tonight's game against the Knicks, making TNT very unhappy. But he says the injury isn't serious. Sure, tell that to every Clevelander who's watched playoff dreams crumble like the walls of Jericho for the last 40 years. The real upset would be if doctors don't discover a hairline fracture in LeBron's foot when they study the x-rays today.

Really, this is the doomsday scenario everyone's been waiting for. A week before the playoffs, in a game that doesn't really mean anything, superstar-of-a-generation and MVP candidate LeBron James goes down with an injury. Diagnosis: out for the playoffs. We haven't reached that step yet, but right now we're holding our collective breath as if we just saw LeBron climb on a motorcycle in a Westlake parking lot.

It appears our pride got the best of us, and God stepped in. Tonight, one king -- King James -- will be sitting in a natty suit on the sidelines, biting his fingernails, and missing a battle with the Knicks. Just a Tiger Woods drive away, another king -- King Felix Hernandez of the Mariners -- will be missing Indians bats with an assortment of pitches that draws comparisons to a young Dwight Gooden. It's certainly possible that Hernandez, who turned 20 less than one week ago, stifles the Indians bats and gives the Mariners a series victory over the Tribe.

Possible? Make that probable. This is Cleveland, and this is the sports scene, and God only has to look downtown to see two of the teams he hates in action at the same time. The sugar crash is here.

7 comments:

Detroitfan said...

I can relate, my sports fan brother, I too can relate in part to your suffering. I, live in the state of Michigan and, though the Pistons and Red Wings are the best in their respective sports, God punishes us during football and baseball season. Just when we think the Tigers might just be contenders, they lose four straight. And, coming into their four game series with your indians, i expect their losing streak to continue.
Take heart because, though the Pistons may dominate your cavs, the people of your city do not think Jeff Garcia is Jesus reincarnate. You can at least laugh at our pitiful Lions and Tigers, who continue to amaze us with their patheticism

Detroitfan said...

Please forgive my terrible grammatical mishap in the first sentence of the above comment.

Jon Sladek said...

You can go to hell with your Detroit comparisons. YOu have NO FREAKIN idea what its like. HOw many Piston titles have you seen? 4?
I will consider it a success if I see ONE Cleveland title in my lifetime, even if I live to 90!

Jon Sladek said...

That actually should be 3 titles, they haven't quite finished off the fourth yet.

Jimbo said...

Detroit fan has no idea what he jumped into. Just like Boston fans always cried about the curse. No comparison. Detroit and Michigan football in general may suck, but you can't complain when you won a title 2 years ago. Plus that city is horrible.

Anonymous said...

dont forget about the red wings run and michigan state hoops

Anonymous said...

AND YET WE STILL WATCH AND LOVE OUR TEAMS!

wtf!

CLEVELAND ROCKS!