Hanging on the telephone

The Miami Heat did it. They've apparently agreed to a five-year, $80 million contract extension with Dwayne Wade, their budding superstar.

The Denver Nuggets did it. They've apparently agreed to a five-year, $80 million maximum contract extension with Carmelo Anthony, their budding superstar.

The Dallas Mavericks did it. They've apparently agreed to a six-year, $50 million contract extension for budding superstar Jason Terry.

The Chicago Bulls did it. They lured the top free agent, Ben Wallace, away from the Detroit Pistons with a four-year, $52 million contract.

Heck, even the New Orleans Hornets did it, signing Peja Stojakovic and Bobby Jackson.

But the Cavs? They sit by the phone waiting for the call from the guy whom they gave their number at the bar the other night. Yes, even though the Miami Heat have done it, even though the Denver Nuggets have done it, even though the Dallas Mavericks have done it, even though the Chicago Bulls have done it, and even though the New Orleans Hornets have done it, the Cavs have still not done it. They have not received that phone call from LeBron James.

Of course, LeBron has a lot to think about before upping for another five years with the Cavs. There's that no-championships-since-1964 thing. There's that Drive/Fumble/Shot/Mesa thing. And there's that God-hates-Cleveland-sports thing.

So as the Cavs sit by the phone sighing while all their friends get hitched, all kinds of scenarios go through our minds. We're too ugly. We're too fat. He doesn't like us. He's just not that into us. It's happened plenty of times before. Remember Jim Thome? Carlos Boozer? Art Modell? They all SAID they liked us and wanted to spend time with us, and next thing we knew they were with someone else. Jerks!