Wednesday, February 15, 2006

East Coast bias

Somewhere tonight in Boston, while the Cavs are playing the Celtics, there will be a Boston fan whining about something. Actually, there's probably a Boston fan whining about something right now. And right now. And right now. And right now.

You see, Boston fans like nothing more than being miserable. From 1918 until 2004, when the Red Sox FINALLY won another World Series, you would have thought every cake ever baked in Boston deflated the second it came out of the oven, every child skinned his knee during recess, and every television station broadcast nothing but Yankee games. They claimed to be cursed by the Bambino. But Cleveland's the city whose sports God hates.

Here's all the years Boston celebrated a sports championship since 1918: 1929, 1939, 1941, 1957, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1966, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1972, 1974, 1976, 1981, 1984, 2002, 2004, 2005. Oh, and they've had 20 other runners-up in that time.

Here's all the years Cleveland HASN'T celebrated a sports championship since 1964: 1965, 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005.

But you'd think Boston invented whining. Sure, they've had some tough losses -- Bill Buckner and Bucky Dent come to mind. But at least they've BEEN to the championships in hockey, baseball, and basketball over and over again. In fact, they've been there 44 times since 1918. The Celtics, Bruins, Patriots, and Red Sox have ALL won championships in the last 30 years. They even have Boston College putting together a good season here and there. We've got Cleveland State, best known for a coach caught coming out of a crackhouse.

So tonight, when you hear a Boston fan lamenting his poor team, try not to smash a glass over his head. It will be hard, since you can't even pray to God that the Boston fan shuts up. But take solace in one thing: God hates Cleveland sports a lot more than he hates Boston.

4 comments:

Erik said...

My theory on Boston whining: they do it because they can.

The Red Sox were very well compensated for going 86 years without a World Series title. Armies of scholars, scientists, writers, poets, comedians and actors played their violin for the Red Sox, picked up by the massive East Coast media bullhorn. We ALWAYS knew how much they were suffering. And now all of us (not just Bill Simmons) can apparently die in peace now that the world's biggest wrong has been righted.

Boston's 2004 Series title was the sixth in franchise history. I feel sorry for them like I felt sorry for Brad Pitt when it didn't work out with Jennifer Aniston.

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