Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Making our sports safe

The Cavs are visiting Philly tonight, and city officials there are trying to prevent violence by giving two tickets to an upcoming 76ers game to anyone who turns a working gun over to police. Cleveland should adopt such a program, but for a different reason. It might prevent suicide after fans watch another sports collapse.

Just think, last season Jacobs Field might have been more than half full for the Tampa Bay series at the end of the season if police gave away tickets for every gun turned in. After all, everyone knew what was waiting for the Tribe, especially after Grady Sizemore dropped that fly ball to end the game in Kansas City the day before. Who didn't feel like shooting themselves in the head after that? By giving away tickets for guns, not only would the Indians have packed the Jake, they would have made fans that much more comfortable with the inevitable collapse.

Really, a guns-for-tickets program would make following any Cleveland team a much safer experience. What, Carlos Boozer has stabbed us in the back and accepted a contract with the Jazz?? Kellen Winslow flipped over the handlebars of his motorcycle?? Braylon Edwards tore how many knee ligaments??? Larry Hughes is out for how long???? Blam, blam, blam and BLAM!

To play it safe, police should give away tickets to fans who turn in anything that could be used in a suicide attempt. Going to a Cavs game? Free tickets for any length of rope! Want to watch the Browns this Sunday? You'd feel much safer if you dropped all your bottles of pills off at the police station. Got an Indians jones? Better turn over your garden hose. Maybe the police can make sure your garage-door opener has fresh batteries as well.

Not only would this program make rooting for Cleveland teams that much safer, it would lead toward eternal salvation as well. After all, for as much as God hates Cleveland sports, he hates suicide that much more.

No comments: